It fascinates me how, just as we somehow need an event like Mother’s Day to remind us to suddenly appreciate our moms, it takes World Aids Day to focus our collective attention on HIV. Although many of us are infected and all of us are unquestionably affected by HIV, the issue has somehow slipped under the gaydar and many of us seldom give it a thought as we drift through our day-to-day lives.

HIV hardly features in the straight media, and some gay publications prefer to avoid the subject entirely. HIV no longer grabs media space and doesn’t “sell” unless there’s some soapie-like drama to be told. Editors, I am told, are often to blame: even when journalists do write about HIV, editors seldom consider such content newsworthy. A Bafana-Bafana player stumping his toe or a Springbok dropping the ball, an MP buying a new BMW or getting caught with his hand in the kitty or some woman called Amor having marital problems makes primetime tv news. No mention of the thousands of people being infected with HIV, their frustrating efforts to source adequate health care and the tragic number of people dying due to AIDS.

We can’t just blame the media for making HIV invisible – I personally think some gay venues and businesses are also responsible. Even some gay bars in Cape Town, considered the queer epicenter of Africa, aren’t particularly keen on making informative fact sheets and brochures available to their customers. I sat at a local action bar a few months ago with a pile of brochures on gonorrhea in front of me and a staff member rushed over to place them in a corner “… where they belong….”, because “…. our customers don’t need to see this stuff here…”. I BEG YOUR PARDON? Gay venues are exactly the spaces where responsible sex messaging should be made available. And definitely far more prominently displayed than a flyer for the next money-making party or festival. Especially if said customers are also bonking on the premises. Even if guys know all the facts about responsible sex, STIs and HIV transmission, the mere visibility of such media serves as a reminder to play nice. It certainly is hypocritical and ironic that venues resistant to being associated with responsible sex messaging or campaigns magically claim to represent their clients’ best interests. Where’s the logic in that?

Of course I can only speak for Cape Town, where many gay venues also don’t supply condoms or lube. Some venues are willing to supply condoms, but then only in the toilets and only if Health4Men asks them to, as if they’re doing us a huge favour. And what’s the use of supplying a condom if you don’t also supply a sachet of water-based lube? In this day and age, with our country’s rampant HIV infection rates and our knowing that gay men have an even higher risk of infection than straights, why are condoms and lube being relegated to the toilet? And why isn’t the supply more consistent?

Here’s a real anecdote: I personally filled a glass bowl with coloured, flavoured condoms on the bar counter of a local bar (which happens to have a dark-room complete with a sling, glory holes and cubicles upstairs) and was told by the manager that the owner “…didn’t find it appropriate….” Ugh?

All isn’t lost though; in Cape Town the Hot House, Café Manhattan and Bar Code stand out as venues that consistently promote responsible sex.

But then we also have the so-called gay and “gay friendly” guest houses. Who seldom, if ever, supply condoms and lube to their guests. According to my understanding of the Constitution it should be OK to kiss my partner good-morning over the breakfast table in any hotel or guest-house, right? So when a venue claims to be gay or gay-friendly I expect a lot more than that, the availability of condoms and water-based lube being the absolute minimum. A goodnight chocolate on the pillow is cute but a condom and lube would be more useful, thank you very much. I expect a 5-star hotel that claims to be gay-friendly to send up a bottle of poppers at 3 a.m., no questions asked.

But let’s not look for excuses; every one of us is equally to blame for HIV being so invisible. We’re responsible by not talking more openly about HIV, we add to the silence by not being screened for HIV ourselves and yet claiming to be negative, we’re responsible by not disclosing our own status if we’re positive, we add to the stigma by spreading rumours about each other, but most of all we should be insisting that so-called gay venues assume some responsibility for breaking the silence. Not only on World Aids Day. We have the right to demand that venues we frequent supply us with condoms and lube (not just in the toilets) and responsible sex messaging (not just in dark corners).

And talking of gay venues, many make a fortune by selling us alcohol and as we all know, alcohol abuse and recreational drugs such as crystal play a huge role in irresponsible sex and HIV infection. Even more reason for venue owners to be far more proactive in terms of making appropriate messaging more prominent. Then let’s add the 2010 World Cup to the scenario, with thousands of tourists wanting to sample our gay scene. In the light of the horrendous HIV pandemic in our country, and gay men being at an increased risk of infection, it is incumbent on gay business to do all in their power to make condoms, lube and responsible sex media freely available. We, as the gay community, should insist on it.

I have two suggestions: Firstly, ask for condoms and lube at gay venues, and confront managers when they direct you to a toilet. Ask staff why there aren’t any prominently-displayed responsible sex flyers, posters or brochures. We’re entitled to boycott any venue that chooses to deny the reality of HIV and other STIs, and that chooses to deny us access to relevant messaging.
Secondly, I suggest that we start monitoring and reporting on gay businesses that refuse to play the game. Maybe we need to start naming and shaming venues, or individual managers, before they’ll think about more than making money from us.

Health4Men is starting to monitor gay establishments in Cape Town regarding their cooperation in breaking the silence around HIV and Aids. In the build-up to the 2010 World Cup, we’ll make recommendations and suggestions to venue owners and we’ll certainly publish articles on what venues are playing ball and those that choose to bury their heads in the sand. We’ll also make recommendations to tourism authorities and the city’s health department. The most pro-active venue will receive an annual award of excellence for recognising their commitment to our community’s wellbeing.



Glenn de Swardt is the psychosocial manager of Health4Men, a non-profit organisation providing free sexual healthcare to gay and bisexual men, including access to free ARVs. Write to him at glenn@health4men.co.za and join the Health4Men group on Facebook to learn more about their activities and events.