FAMILY & HOME

Written by Uncle P

Keeping in line with this month’s theme of Family and Love, who better than Nomsa Buthelezi-Shezi,
the ‘Gomorra Diva’, to tell us all about it? We had the good fortune of spending time with Nomsa
and chatted to her about her recent marriage to Zandile Shezi. It is befitting that Nomsa presents the
popular Our Perfect Wedding (OPW) reality TV show. Whilst it is a job for her, it is made easy by the
fact that it fits with her own values of family and love. She is a hard-working, bubbly and energetic
personality, this we know but she has also disclosed to us her fears and vulnerabilities about love.

First and foremost, what are your pronouns?

We both identify as ‘she’.

Take us back – when did it start? Was it love at first sight? Did you stalk each other? Did you have
to fight off ex-partners and friends?

I was at work doing a wedding show for OPW in Mpumalanga. There was Zandile with her friend,
they were invited as guests. They drove all the way from Ladysmith in KwaZulu-Natal, where she
worked with her friend at the same hospital before moving to Johannesburg. She says that there was
just something very exciting about driving all the way to the wedding. As they arrived at the
wording, Zandile saw the OPW car in the parking lot and told her friend and that I was in inside the
OPW car. They got so excited and the friend came running to my car, opened the door, jumped at
me, and hugged and kissed me on the cheeks, very excited to see me.
Zandile took her time. She was standing at a distance. Her friend started telling me about Zandile
and that she loves me. Zandile says she was feeling uncomfortable with everyone all over me while I
was at work. We chatted for two minutes. She then asked if we could hang-out and chill after work.
We did. Then a few days later I got a call from Zandile, just to chat. And that’s how it started.

How long did you date before the marriage proposal? Tell us about the proposal, how did it
happen and what was the set-up?

I didn’t believe in love. I was just focused on making money. I didn’t believe in love yet I love
everyone, I am scared of love, I ran away from it, I have seen what it has done to my loved ones. It is
not because of bad experience. In my last relationship, we were okay (with our dysfunctional
relationship). I am a late-bloomer, I started working at a very young age, I was only 16 years old.
Love does exist if you believe in it.
I love the question about the proposal, the question about time duration. After 3 months, we
already knew. I tried to suppress it but Zandile was clear that she wanted us to marry. After 6
months she had started talking about being life partners. Within 12 months she had started paying
lobola. In her proposal, she said she is not the person who kneels down and that she believes in
someone who invites her family and in-laws. I asked her to kneel down, she said she would think
about kneeling after the wedding. She doesn’t believe in engagement rings, rings of lies (hahaha). In
the end I got a proper Zulu proposal. My kids chose the rings and were involved in the whole
process.

We believe you had a traditional wedding, tell us more about it?

We chose a traditional wedding because we believe in people who do things their own way. I respect
tradition, we are both for the tradition, we are for culture. Even though it’s a same-sex relationship,
we still feel that we want to appease our ancestors. Our marriage is blessed because we consulted
our ancestors.

Telling us about the lobola

Zandile paid lobola. I didn’t pay for anything. It was our mutual agreement, this is what we wanted.
Zandile is butch but it is about male or female. She always told her family and her father that she was going to bring umakoti (the bride) home one day.

Are both of your families accepting of your sexuality and relationship?

We have been together for 2 years but married for one year. Our children were always involved in
our wedding, they were our right-hand people …Olwethu (boy) and Lindo (girl). Our families are very
supportive and understanding. My father is a Pastor, he is very strict but the way he has witnessed
real love between us made him believe in us and be supportive. Both of our parents are very
supportive and very accepting. They were at our wedding.

Did you have a honeymoon? Tell us more?

No, not yet. We got married in September 2020 and had our first wedding hosted by my side of the
family. We planned to have another wedding with Zandile’s side of the family before Covid19. So we
still want to do that and ‘seal the deal’ properly before we go on honeymoon. But we have thought
about going to Phuket in Thailand.

With it being December and time for most of us to go and spend time on holidays or with our
parents – what are your plans for the upcoming festive season?

Usually, we spend the festive season with Zandile’s family. This year we are having a Christmas lunch
with my family. Then for New Year’s celebration, we will be with Zandile’s family. It’s about sharing
our time with both families. Family is very important to both of us.

What does the future hold for you as a family – more children, holidays, etc.?

It’s in God’s hands, scripted by God and we just play our part. About Children, we are happy with the
two that we have but in my heart, I want one more, one last cute little one. Zandile knows and is
warming up to the idea. For now, we are happy raising these two. When you come into a
relationship, you don’t want to force your spouse to be a parent. Zandile has an amazing relationship
with my kids, especially Olwethu, the boy, they have their own ‘private caucus’ and sometimes I
even get jealous (FOMO). You know sometimes people say (bad) things about two women raising
children, especially boy-kids but we are good.

What is your advice to other young same-sex couples on life, family and love?

Young girls or women do not fell pressured to entertain the outside world, focus on the inside of
your relationship. Don’t be afraid to talk about sex, it strengthens the family and the relationship, it
is important, it brings happiness to the relationship. Your love is your love, love each other and focus
on yourselves instead of worrying about other people and their views.

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